I attacked someone with my umbrella today. On a bus. It was somewhat  reminiscent of Britney 2007. But let me explain.

It´s May in Munich. It´s  10 degrees Celsius in the morning and it´s raining more often than not. Quite typical Munich weather I would say. Typical, yet still deeply troubling and incongruous. Whatever. This is not a post about the weather.

As usual, I was irreversibly late for the bus in the morning , which meant I would have to run, which meant I was already in a grumpy mood and knew that my day was ruined. This all happened before 9AM and before I left the house.

One day I will write a self-help book about how to start the day on a positive note, since I am obviously an expert.

I grabbed my umbrella, the laptop bag and my yoga bag and bolted out the door in time to see the elevator leave before my eyes. I pressed the button unnerved but it was in vain. On to the stairs, I jumped 2-3 at the time to make it to the 3rd floor only to realize that the elevator was already going back up to the 4th where I had just pressed the button… A silent scream and I continued down the stairs.

Out of the building, I was welcomed by cold drizzle and collided with jogger. Without apologizing and barely containing my contempt for people who obviously have nothing better to do on a rainy weekday morning than to jog, I continued my sprint towards the bus station. Try running with an open umbrella. It´s less Mary Poppins and more hurricane Katrina. Needless to say, by the time I was on the bus I was cheerful and happy and quite pleasant to be around. Except quite the opposite.

Luckily, the bus was not full. It was way past 9AM – so most people were already at their desks sipping their coffee. Not wet and out of breath on a bus. I fought my umbrella into submission right before the bus started and I was already sinking into one of the empty seats when the guy standing opposite me jumped to the side yelping. He quickly recovered, turned around to face me and with a smirk proceeded to looking at me like I was some sort of lunatic. I looked him straight in the face with an expression that said “WHAT?” and when his eyes pointed to his feet I noticed that my umbrella had popped open into his legs, splashing his trousers and suede shoes.

I felt strangely gratified.

And really, suede shoes in this weather? It´s like you´re asking for it.